I am not an emotional girl. Never have been. It takes a whole lot for me to cry. I used to do the whole pretend tears when I was in High School when all my girl friends would be crying over a sappy movie, or when we lost to Etna in the Finals for Basketball, every girl on my team was crying, me...fake tears. I don't even think I cried after my births. My eyes got moistened on our Wedding day, no tears though. When a friend is crying on my shoulder, nothing comes. I have a big blow out tear session for about 3 minutes every like 3 or 4 months, but other than that, my eyes don't see a whole lot of moisture. Don't get me wrong though, I still have a heart, and it breaks for poeple...but no tears ever come of it.
Except for recently.
Its been so wierd! For the past month or so when my heart breaks (which has always been the extent of my feelings) tears have been coming out!! Taking me totally off guard. I keep thinking, Oh, I must be about to start my you-know-what, or maybe I'm having an emotional day.....but it just keeps happening. So wierd.
And the crazier thing is that I feel like the more I pray about stuff, God is actually giving me HIS tears. I pray like crazy for my family, for marriages within my family, and kids and heartbreaking things that are going on, and while I am driving around thinking about my family, I have tears flowing down my face. I KNOW they are not MY tears, cause thats so not me, so I know they are Gods tears. I feel Gods heart breaking within mine. Its awesome because I feel One with my Maker, I feel like He is sad with me, and hurting with me, but in its wake I know He is in control and He brings Hope.
And its not just stuff with family, its starting to happen in so many other areas. Its just starting to get wierd. I'm beginning to be an actual girl.......
5 comments:
Wow Rebecca, that is really beautiful. I'm sure you already know but that is defintely the mark of an intercessor - when God gives you his heart AND tears. Go with it - God is doing something amazing in you!
TWO thoughts: 1. am I a horrible husband for not having a clue you have been crying so much lately. 2. the las third of that blog WILL become an amazing worship song...I will see to it!
I think this is just more evidence of God pouring His love through you. I see it in your countenance and the way you treat everyone around you.
We missed you at Mom's group this morning. Austin kept asking where Caleb was!
I love your heart Rebecca. I'm so lucky to have you in my crazy, hectic, exciting and a bit dramatic life. I love you!
This is awesome. Let those tears come! Hey, maybe you'll find that your eyes have loosened up so much that you'll see a Hallmark commercial or an episode of Extreme Home Makeover and start bawling. That's what happened to me.
And, by the way, in light of this post, I'm pretty proud to say that you cried when I left. That makes me feel really good inside...
Unless you were faking it. :)
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