Caleb out to kill himself...#, like 58

So I have come up to grips with the fact that being the mother of boys is going to be the cause of my early death, due to too many heart attacks!!

Already, in Caleb's 2 1/2 years of life, he has attempted to take his life far too many times for my heart to take. Today is Tuesday. Tuesdays are mom group. Every Tuesday, rain or shine, or intense heat we are somewhere. Gymnastics, Whiskeytown Lake, Jump River, Chuck E Cheese, Barnes.....you name it, we are there (we get around). Today, however, we went swimming at Ariel Funderburg's. Hot day today. Cold pool. It felt amazing. We had a great morning of swimming, eating lunch, and hanging out. Until ALL our worst nightmares come true. We are hanging out at the shallow end of the pool, I am holding Ryder. Amy all of a sudden yells, "Caleb is in the pool!" I look down in the DEEP END and he is fully submerged. I literally throw Ryder into Ariels unexpexting arms and Amy and I are on a full out sprint to the deep end. I end up diving into the shallow end (I don;t know what i was thinking...in fact I wasn't, whatever it took to get me there faster) , Amy and I reach Caleb at the same time. We pull him out. A little bit of water intake. He is fine. Mom is not fine. I thought I was going to throw up. My little man. He is so stinkin precious to me that the sight of him floating in that deep end puts my stomach back in my throat. This is my life. Sean did it to his mom. So I know now its my turn. Ay yi yi. Am I prepared for this? God give me strength!!!