Lost

I lost my baby....I am having such a hard time with this miscarriage for some reason. Maybe it has just been this season in particular thats been hard thats making it seem harder....I don't know. Its been such a tough, emotional week. As shocked as I was to find out I was pregnant, and as crazy as it seemed to be pregnant with my back as jacked as it is, I was really excited about it...

.....I've just been so sad. So lost. Not quite sure how to be, what to say...not really wanting to say a whole lot, or be a whole lot....

But today I feel like a little more me. I have my kids home, my husband home, and am emmersed back into life. A busy home, busy kids...these things make me happy. Being with Sean makes me whole, watching my kids play and make up stories, and musicals, and slam balls all over the house, and ram monster trucks into anything in their line of sight. These kids, this Husband, this life, is good. Its been a rough week...rough few months, but I feel like I am on the up-swing.....up-swings are good....